One mom, 2 special needs toddlers, just trying to be heard.
Most of the time I keep this stuff secret, you know? Like who really wants to hear about my day, or better yet who would really understand? But I realized that right there is the biggest issue. Just because I don’t think that people want to hear about it, doesn’t mean that it should be hidden inside of me. I need to be able to expel it out of me so that it doesn’t fester and boil over. So, I came here. Maybe there is someone else out there like me. Someone who just wants to be understood. Someone who can share a similar experience. So, here I am. I am listening and I understand. I guess though to really know that I do understand, you would need to know my story.
So, let’s get there. It all started in 2016. My husband and I had been married for a year and had been trying that entire time to get pregnant. After a trip to the ER and realizing I had cysts everywhere I went to an OBGYN. The doctor immediately said that I had PCOS and that I would need fertility treatments in order to have a baby. I was devastated. I wanted to be like those women who easily got pregnant, who didn’t need to spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. The doctor requested that I go get my levels checked and then come back in a few weeks to get started. So, I did just that. Except at my next visit it wasn’t to start treatments, it was to confirm pregnancy. The doctor was shocked that I was even able to get pregnant after seeing my levels. My husband and I were so excited. We just had no idea what was in store for us.
For the most part my pregnancy was pretty smooth. Horrible morning sickness but that was about it. That is, until we got to 28 weeks. At 28 weeks my body started going into pre-term labor. I was immediately put on medication to try and hold the baby off and I was put on bed rest. There were a few times when I thought I was in active labor. I guess my doctor was annoyed with me over it because he said to me that, “next time wait until you can feel the baby coming out,” before going to the hospital again. I am sorry but you do not say that to a pregnant woman period, especially a first time mom. I am glad that I did not listen to him because at 33 weeks I went into active labor.
I decided to go to a different hospital that my doctor was not allowed at because I no longer wanted him involved. The new doctor that I used tried to stop labor with magnesium. I felt so incredibly miserable, but was hopeful that it would work and I would get to go home. Well, life had a different plan. The doctor decided to do a 24 hour urine that should that I had developed pre-eclampsia. It wasn’t severe, but enough to keep me there until I delivered. Within 24 hours of getting that news I went back into active labor. This time it could not be stopped because of the pre-eclampsia. Because of how premature my sweet boy was I had to deliver him in the OR even though he was a vaginal birth.
After doing a few practice pushes, the baby was almost here. They quickly rushed me to the OR where I finished delivering him. I was very fortunate that they allowed me to hold him for a few moments before they rushed him away. The feeling of uncertainty immediately filled the room as my tiny son (who for being that early really wasn’t that small), was whisked away to the NICU. Prior to delivering him we had seen several neonatologists who all had warned us of the possible complications that we may encounter. As hopeful as I was trying to be, it was terrifying.
Over the course of the next 22 days we saw many scary things happen. Feeding tubes, ventilators, iv’s in unusual places, and being told that there were a few moments where we almost lost our son.
But that is it for now, there is more to my story, and I want to share it all. So stay tuned. You never know what I may talk about next.
